Lisa Twaronite comments

Posted in: 21-year-old man arrested for abusing one-year-old son See in context

@ReynardFox, I agree with you that people who break the law should be punished to deter others (whether the Japanese legal system is fair for everyone is a question I won't get into, because I at least agree with the principle). As far as outreach beforehand, Japan should do more to identify families at risk and proactively reach out to them, and connect them with services. We don't know much from this article, but we can tell just from the age of their older child that this couple first became parents when they were still teenagers, We don't know if the man suffered from some kind of mental illness -- that wouldn't excuse what he did, of course, but helping such people BEFORE they take the horrible step is far superior to taking action only after. And generally speaking, I think (based on my own unscientific observations of Japan) that troubled people in general are unlikely to seek help on their own for fear of stigma and shame, so that should change, too. Everyone should be encouraged to seek parenting classes and counseling as needed. This father unquestionably did something ghastly to his son -- we don't know much more than that. Is he an unrepentant sociopath, or a just a weak, immature person who did something stupid and impulsive for which he will suffer for the rest of his life, and which cost his son's life? In the case of the former, there were likely signs beforehand that the father was dangerous, and the wife should had the resources and options to keep herself and her children safe. In the case of the latter, we'll never know if perhaps a bit more support could have gone a long way.

I comment a lot here on posts about parents (usually mothers) who do the unthinkable, because decades ago, I suffered from undiagnosed post-partum depression and really struggled when my own kids were babies. I also once faced an unwanted pregnancy in Japan, and was told that I couldn't get an abortion without the father's permission -- I fortunately miscarried, but I believe I can relate to women who feel trapped in crisis pregnancies. Where other people see monsters in most of these parents, I always think, "There but for the grace of god go I," because I had the resources to find help myself. It's true that some people are beyond help, but I believe it's always worth TRYING. (Thank you for listening to my TED talk!)

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Posted in: 21-year-old man arrested for abusing one-year-old son See in context

As long as we continue to believe that "bad people do bad things for no other reason than because they are bad," then we're powerless to prevent them from happening, and they will just happen again & again.

1 ( +2 / -1 )

Posted in: 21-year-old man arrested for abusing one-year-old son See in context

"Right, because it's so easy to call people monsters AFTER the fact, than to try to reach them before! It might feel good to yell, MONSTER! at the person responsible for ghastly acts like this, but wouldn't society's collective energy be better spent trying to prevent them from happening?"

0 ( +1 / -1 )

Posted in: 21-year-old man arrested for abusing one-year-old son See in context

If only this man had gotten help before he lost his temper and did the unthinkable. Poor baby, poor wife, poor family.

-3 ( +3 / -6 )

Posted in: Mother arrested over death of 4-year-old daughter See in context

It takes a pretty callous person to strangle a four-year old with their bare hands.

And another to defend someone who has already confessed to said child killing.

Oh, so to give someone "presumption of innocence" (with a possibly forced confession - we all know how that works in this country!) is now the same as to "defend" them?

Poor baby, poor mother, poor father -- no matter what the circumstances, it's tragic this ghastly action wasn't averted by getting this family help. Too often, it's much easier to criticize & blame afterwards than reaching out beforehand.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Posted in: Mother whose daughters died after being left in overheated car gets 6 years in prison See in context

What matters most is not the length of the sentence but whether or not she gets the help she clearly needs. She is already suffering the worst fate of any parent: her children are dead, and it's her fault, and she has to live with this. That's a life sentence.

And to those of you who want to hang monster parents (like me), I hope you look in a mirror.

-1 ( +1 / -2 )

Posted in: Mother whose daughters died in overheated car while she went drinking goes on trial See in context

I fail to understand why people are incapable of feeling sorry for someone whose kids are dead....and the fact that the mother herself is to blame for it with her actions makes it even worse. Even crap parents love their kids, and I wouldn't wish something like this on anyone, no matter how errantly they behaved -- and obviously, I feel most sorry for the two kids who paid the ultimate price. If my kids had died because of my irresponsible actions, nothing else would matter -- a conviction for it couldn't possibly have made me feel any worse.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Posted in: Mother whose daughters died in overheated car while she went drinking goes on trial See in context

Poor children, poor woman, poor family I myself was also a neglectful mother at times who also left my kids alone to go drinking, so I can perfectly relate to what she did -- and her children paid the ultimate price, and she has to live with herself knowing what she did. (My born kids all managed to survive my parenting, fortunately!)

-5 ( +2 / -7 )

Posted in: Father arrested after 10-year-old disabled daughter’s body found in reservoir See in context

Poor girl, poor man, poor family -- I keep saying it, but I wish there was more support & outreach for mentally suffering people in this country before tragedies like this happen. Calling someone a monster afterward is easy -- but working to prevent incidents like this in the future is a tough challenge.

5 ( +5 / -0 )

Posted in: Woman arrested over deaths of two young sons See in context

My first thought whenever I read stories like this is always empathy because I have been in this poor women's shoes. I hope her poor sons rest in peace, and I hope she gets the help she clearly needs (and tragically did not get before she did this).

4 ( +6 / -2 )

Posted in: Mother arrested over death of 3-year-old son See in context

Sickening how some people look to make excuses for child killers.

Oh, gosh is that what I did, when I said she needed help? Because wishing people get help for their obvious problems before tragedies happen is "blaming" others?

It's so much easier just to call people monsters after the deed is done than it is to recognize patterns and reach out to them when it can actually make a difference, when it can maybe save some lives.

9 ( +14 / -5 )

Posted in: Mother arrested over death of 3-year-old son See in context

Poor boy, and poor mother -- she was probably raising him the way she was raised herself. The most tragic part is that this article says she had contacted a child welfare center for help in that past! Obviously, whatever help they gave her fell short. The time to break the cycle of violence is well before things like this happen. I hope the mother gets help from now, but it's too late for her son, and she will have to live with the knowledge of what she did for the rest of her life. :(

5 ( +10 / -5 )

Posted in: 17-year-old girl arrested for killing newborn baby in shopping mall toilet See in context

Poor baby, poor girl. I hope she gets the help she clearly needs (and if only she had gotten it sooner).

8 ( +8 / -0 )

Posted in: Father of 2-year-old girl who died after being left in car for 7 hours last summer to be charged See in context

I can perfectly understand how this could have happened, because when my older son was five months old, I went grocery shopping, loaded the groceries in the car, and drove home.....and realized I'd left the baby in my shopping cart in the parking lot. Fortunately, he was still there when I got back. I wasn't drunk or on drugs -- just overwhelmed, exhausted and clearly in need of a hand. That incident made me a lot less judgmental of other parents.

In this case, charging the father or not won't do much either way -- he's already suffering the ultimate punishment. His little girl is dead, and he knows he is to blame. He has to live with this for the rest of his life.

3 ( +3 / -0 )

Posted in: Man arrested for assaulting girlfriend’s 10-month-old daughter See in context

I bet the guy was abused himself when he was a child -- of course that's no excuse for what he did, which is inexcusable, but it shows the profound need for psychological outreach to those in need to help to break the cycle of violence before it can harm future generations.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Posted in: If you are a foreign resident (either permanent, long term or short term) of Japan, do you currently feel safer living here amid the coronavirus, or would you prefer to be in some other country? See in context

I wish I were back home in the US with my family. It's definitely not "safer" there, based on case numbers, but the vaccine is already being distributed there.

2 ( +4 / -2 )

Posted in: Woman arrested after stabbing sleeping husband and setting fire to his futon See in context

So many questions, so few answers. I hope both husband & wife get mental health help.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Posted in: Mother arrested for murder after suffocating 15-day-old son See in context

@sir_bentley28, you sound like a wonderful husband and father! Although it was decades ago, I remember being so sleep-deprived and overwhelmed that when my newborn son cried, I stared at him, unsure of what to do next. Although it's very uncommon for new mothers to have post-partum psychosis, it is VERY common for women to experience different degrees of post-partum depression, so it's worth mentioning this to your wife's doctor. There are different treatment options. A woman doesn't have to be on the verge of desperation to benefit from help and support. I regret I wasn't more proactive in seeking help, but many years ago, when I told my doctor I was struggling, he asked me, "Are you thinking of harming your baby? Are you thinking of harming yourself?" and when I answered no to both questions, he assured me I was "fine." Well, I wasn't fine at all! The question he should have asked me was, "Are you okay?"

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Posted in: Mother arrested for murder after suffocating 15-day-old son See in context

@sir_bentley28 -- congratulations on your baby girl! I hope she and your wife (and you) are all healthy. If you're seriously concerned about your wife, make as much effort as you can to communicate with her, and support her in whatever way you can. Even if you have a traditional division of labor (husband working outside the home, wife staying home with the kids), don't think of raising kids as "her job" but as the shared responsibility of both parents, who need to support each other when they're feeling overwhelmed. Tragedies like this one are fortunately very uncommon, but it's quite common for new mothers to struggle at times because taking care of an infant can be physically exhausting, particularly when one is trying to recover from childbirth. Also, everyone's body chemistry is different, and post-partum hormones can make some women more emotional than they usually are. Some women are shy about asking help, but few refuse it when offered. Good luck, and again, congratulations!!!

2 ( +2 / -0 )

Posted in: Mother arrested for drowning her 2 children in bathtub See in context

@rainyday, it goes without saying that children whose suffer abuse from mentally ill parents are innocent victims who deserve our sympathy -- and help, if it's not too late. But I always speak up for the mothers, since I can personally relate to them due to my own struggles. Doing a monstrous thing doesn't necessarily make someone a monster, and so whenever I see many people reflexively leave comments like, "Hang her!" "Sterilize her!" etc., I make it a point to express my empathy. I always think, "There but for the grace of G*d go I," and people might have been reading an article about me! I leave it up to the criminal justice system to determine whether people who commit these acts are criminally insane and had no idea what they were doing in the moment, or whether they knew what they did was wrong. But the bottom line is that "monsters" are the the ones who need help the most, and are least likely to get it.

1 ( +1 / -0 )

Posted in: Mother arrested for drowning her 2 children in bathtub See in context

@rainyday, Japan is not a country that makes it easy for the mentally ill to ask for help -- particularly mothers, who are frequently told to "gaman" and always put their children's needs ahead of their own at all times. Such a mentality will surely lead to more tragic cases like this one. It's easy to dismiss a mentally ill person who commits a crime as an isolated "monster" -- it's far harder to help such mothers, before it's too late. (And here is a good place to say my usual line about how it is ideal to prevent crisis pregnancies in the first place, although I'm not sure it applies to this case.)

0 ( +0 / -0 )

Posted in: Mother arrested for drowning her 2 children in bathtub See in context

@rainyday, I will just say I fully empathize with this woman and leave it at that. I hope she gets the help she clearly needs.

-1 ( +1 / -2 )

Posted in: Mother arrested for murder after suffocating 15-day-old son See in context

@kaimycahl, I will just say I empathize with her and leave it at that. And help is NOT "the easiest thing to ask for," particularly in Japan.

-2 ( +3 / -5 )

Posted in: Mother arrested for murder after suffocating 15-day-old son See in context

The poor woman -- I hope she gets the help she needs. I completely empathize with what she did, having been in her place.

-3 ( +6 / -9 )

Posted in: Mother arrested for drowning her 2 children in bathtub See in context

Ego Sum Lux Mundi Today 11:52 am JST

You forgot the children, the people who really deserve the appellation "poor" in all this. Slipped your mind?

It goes without saying. But I've been in the poor woman's position myself, and I can relate to how difficult the struggle of motherhood can be -- it's a tragedy that she wasn't able to get help before she did this.

-1 ( +4 / -5 )

Posted in: Mother arrested for drowning her 2 children in bathtub See in context

Poor woman. I hope she gets the mental health help she so clearly needs -- and should have gotten long before this happened. My heart also goes out to the poor grandmother.

-2 ( +4 / -6 )

Posted in: Couple arrested after infant’s body left in refrigerator See in context

We do not know if a crime was committed until the cause of death is determined. There are Japanese laws against abandoning a corpse, but surely it wasn't abandoned in this case?

8 ( +8 / -0 )

Posted in: Fetus found in garbage truck in Iwate See in context

A 15 cm fetus, on average, should weigh over 200g, so who knows if it was a measurement error or a pregnancy that wasn't properly developing. If it was too big to flush down a toilet, then the garbage a logical place for disposal, since laws about disposing of a corpse apply only to full-term babies born alive (or so I believe). Yes, it was a human life in its nascent stages, and its mother is a human, too, and I hope she's okay. And here I will make my usual comment: it is ideal to prevent unwanted pregnancies in the first place.

8 ( +8 / -0 )

Posted in: Woman arrested for burying body of newborn baby in park a year ago See in context

@samuraivunyl, I speak as someone who was once in her place, so I don't judge her. It's easy to call women like me murderers, but how does it help anyone? Obviously it's best that such pregnancies be prevented in the first place.

0 ( +1 / -1 )

Posted in: Part of newborn baby's body found in drugstore toilet See in context

What poor, desperate soul would resort to doing something like that? I hope the mother gets the help she needs.

0 ( +0 / -0 )

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